The Birthday Sandwich & Bicoastal Gatherings
By Fatima
Today is January 6, 2025. There are lots of associations with this day, but to our family, it’s special because of the newly created birthday sandwich.
On January 4th, we welcomed Zara Salma Khan, daughter of my cousin Abrar and his wife Saba. Abrar’s announcement on the family text was the sweetest, “baby arrived and promptly moved in to my heart.” ibrahim would have sent Abrar a dissertation on fatherhood and then say, “but my advice is to not take anyone’s advice.” In his absence, I share ibrahim’s penultimate post about fatherhood and faith.
January 6th is the born day of her highness, Amani Ashraf Yada, my niece, daughter of my baby sister Zainab and my baby brother-in-law Ravi. Amani is 2 today! But according to her, she’s 5. Whose math genes are these!?
ibrahim, born on January 5th, is sandwiched in between these two very special girls. After 15 years of boys, boys, and more boys in our family, we’re having a girl resurgence. I frequently wonder what kind of girl dad ibrahim might have been.
(solidly a boy dad)
To mark ibrahim’s 48th birthday on January 5th, 2025, we had an extra special gathering in Los Angeles.
ibrahim took this selfie on a solo birthday hike a few years ago, his first in the San Gabriel Mountains. Our boys protested my use of this photo given the 2024 World Series debacle. Alas, the hat was a gift from our favorite LA-based cousin, JP. #Yankees4Life! But enjoy the photo nonetheless.
The hike was Mike de la Rocha’s idea. Mike knows ibrahim better than most and correctly decided that a gathering of loved ones, walking through nature, enjoying and praising the Earth, would be a lovely day. And it was. (Note: Mike’s book, “Sacred Lessons: Teaching My Father How to Love,” is ready for pre-order. It’s a must-read and the chapter on ibrahim especially so).
Midway through the hike, I got a flurry of texts and photos from the Brooklyn-based homies, who also gathered on sacred ground - the Fort Greene Park bench - with flowers and overpriced coffee to remember our guy.
The significance of these bicoastal gatherings is monumental. ibrahim was obsessed with giving our boys a bicoastal life. None of us knew it at the time, but it was literally his dying wish. He wanted them to celebrate their roots and identity in NY and live in and love a different climate, landscape, and ecosystem in CA.
Honestly, I never thought it possible. Time, money, housing, schools, and fears of worldly challenges gave me anxiety and pause. ibrahim never feared worldly things like I did. And here he is now, orchestrating his vision beautifully from another world.
This orchestration is only possible by the Grace of God and the generosity of people that ibrahim loved and that love ibrahim. At the post-hike birthday toast yesterday, I shouted out a few folks -
Sahar, Mehdi, Liyana, Rayhan - for being our lifeline in LA, from food to tutoring to hang outs to rides to literally everything one needs to live.
Uncle John & Aunt Rochelle - for showing us how to keep family together, no matter what.
Bina & Ian - for defying the friendship test of time, and trust me, we give them some tests.
Rasul, Samiha, Mohammed, Ibrahim, Hasan - for being our spiritual anchors and cheerleaders.
Zainah, Noor, Musa, Lena, Courtland, Courtie, Deenie - for always understanding the assignment and getting an A+ every time.
AJ, Collette, Lucas, Emerick, Jamison (and Grubs) - for making every second of our time in LA worth it.
Ryan, Sherie, Tristan, Landon - for including us in everything and remembering us every step of the way.
Saidah - for being the definition of a compassionate educator.
Sakeenah - for truly embodying, “it takes a village.”
Maria, Ziyad, Zayna, Liyana - for exemplifying the unifying power of art and food.
The Family Halaqa Crew - for filling our home with Prophetic tradition.
Seif, Hala, Zidan, Eyad - for being a forever connection to better days in Brooklyn.
Khairi, Natalie, Mila, Lulu - proof that chosen family lasts forever.
Mohammed, Zainab, Bader, Eisa, Jasim - for being the 3 boy family that we aspire to be.
Cyrus, Sarosh, Amara, Ali - for making time for us no matter what coast, no matter what country.
Phil & Erin - for giving us a healing home.
Jordan, Jake, Judah, Henry, Louie - the reason for our decision to stay in LA, even without ibrahim.
The Griesinger’s, the Dyers, my Dad, and Muny&Minhaj - for making the impossible, possible.
This west coast winter break left our hearts full, but there were many loved ones that we weren’t able to see. To the Castle’s, Kangas’, Estorga’s, McCoy’s, Ritzau’s, Nanne’s, Dunn’s, AYB, SALL, and BCU - we are coming for you next visit! Be ready!
Lastly, a heartfelt shoutout to ibrahim’s birthday twin, our beloved Asma Bhabi (wife of my cousin Minhaj Husain). Though far away and not connected every day, Asma Bhabi’s love is felt throughout the year. She undoubtedly wants to celebrate each year of her life, but she’s compassionate and understanding about ibrahim not being able to celebrate his. And this means a lot.
Happy Birthday to Ibrahim, and in keeping with his tradition, Happy Day of Birth to Mama K.
P.S. East coast gathering info coming soon…
Your family consists of such wonderful writers. This attribute is such a pleasure and we all benefit from knowing about the village that supports you, Ibrahim, and your children. Let me add to it as you are well loved! Aunt M3, Sacto
Fati, thank you so much. Birthdays aren't the same since he passed. I think of him fondly and often. It puts life in perspective... this year was celebrated with pause and reflection... just like he would have done. I am honored to have shared this day with him and to be mentioned in your blog. Thank you for thinking of me !
Ibrahim, you are missed every day ! We celebrate you every year through the impact you made in this short life. Seeing your beautiful boys, I am reminded of your echoing laughter and wisdom beyond your years. Sending you heavenly birthday wishes and duas... miss you today and everyday, my birthday buddy.